This sentence stopped me, took my breath away, and punched me in the gut all at once. It is just a random Wednesday night. Jackson went to a rodeo/concert. Riley and Knox were at Bible study. Randy and I were home with Asher. After making us a quick sandwich, I commented that I liked this supper- no clean up. Randy didn’t even think. He just said it. “This is how it will be when it’s just the 3 of us.” I think this kind of thing to myself. I worry and try to picture our future, but for him to say it made it real.
Asher is five. We are about to start full force potty training. I don’t want him in diapers. He’s in the biggest size of Huggies. We’ll have to do something else when he grows out of them. I’m worried that he won’t catch on. I mean, it’s going to take a long time. I know this, but what if he just doesn’t get it? It just leads to a lot of emotions for me. I’m thinking about him having a teenage babysitter. How long can I expect a girl to change this kid’s diaper?
I was looking at his little teeth tonight. He hasn’t lost one yet. Those big teeth immediately make a kid lose that baby face. I worry that he’ll start pulling them when he gets a loose one. That’s the kind of thing he would do. He would realize how to make a tooth loose and be persistent enough to pull them. He really doesn’t respond to pain.
He still sleeps with us. Right. In. The. Middle. I don’t even know how we could ever transition him to his own room. A lot would have to get better in order for that to be a possibility.
I’m seeing pictures on Facebook of kids his age starting preschool or even kindergarten. THIS!
Yes, I’ve pictured him grown. Of course he’ll be gorgeous, but he’ll also be big. I pray that he’ll be a much calmer version of himself. Now I’m envisioning Randy and I with the boys grown. Asher is at home with us. He will always be here.
I know that Jackson’s college visit today put me in an emotional state of mind. I want him to stay, and I know I have a child that will never go. That’s tough, y’all.
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