A Knock Down, Drag Out Brawl

There are so many things to fight for in life. People fight for rights, freedoms, cures, awareness-the list is endless. Stop for a second and think about what FIGHTING for something really means. It’s clawing, scraping, digging, climbing, kicking and screaming for a result. Are you in it to win it? Is your eye on the prize?

We are in a fight for Asher. Depending on the day, we are fighting the doctors, insurance companies, society, and ourselves. Nothing comes easy with this kid. It’s a struggle to keep him dressed. Food is an issue. Safety, medicine, essential oils, probiotics, therapy, research, questions— all fights. There are many days that my battles happen within my head. I hold it in and move on with my day, but sometimes it sneaks out for everyone to see. Today, for instance, it sneaked out in a bookstore.

Little did the lady at the register know what she was in for when she casually asked, “Did you find everything you needed today?” **No ma’am. I sure didn’t.**After my explanation of there not being any books for kids about Autism, I burst into tears. Blubbering sobs. I needed my $1.14 change so that I could get the heck outta there. Poor thing. She asked if I had a support group.

At the end of each day, I can feel it. It feels like I was in a fight. My mind is tired. I’m agitated. I know the next day will be more of the same. I can see how people lose hope in their struggle.

With all of this, there is love. That’s the easy part. My goodness, this kid is so easy to love. Those eyes. Those dimples. That giggle. That’s why God gave him these things. He knew that when he gave me Asher, I would struggle. He knew I had a big mouth and that I would not be satisfied or content with anything other than what only a fight can bring.

So, yes, it is hard. Most of the time I still can’t believe that I’m in the middle of this journey. But, when the dust settles just a little bit, I can see clearly. I’ve never minded a good brawl. I’m not going to start now when it is most important.

*April is Autism Awareness Month.. April 2 is Autism Awareness Day. Wear blue, talk to your kids or students, acknowledge someone’s struggles, say a prayer-Do something to bring awareness. Don’t let me fight alone. I’m getting jumped, y’all! 💙

                                                        Totally worth it❤️

I'm Tripping

I know, I know, life's a journey. Sometimes you think you know where you're going and you realize that is NOT your journey. This is NOT the trip you had planned. If you've read even one of my blogs, you know that I am having a hard time accepting that life with my little guy isn't going how I assumed it would.  I don't want anyone to think that I'm not moving forward,  but my heart is stuck in a tough place.

How do I know I'm in the thoughts and prayers of many? I feel it and I can see it in Asher everyday. Y'all also let me know. I received an unexpected message from Knox's kindergarten teacher. When Knox was in her class, the class wrote a book about a ladybug. This ladybug was Mrs. Laura Brantley's niece, Layla. Layla was born with medical issues. She was also Autistic. Layla passed away a few years ago, but she is definitely still on the minds of many people. Laura sent me a poem. She said that it helped her sister so much when she was going through her journey with her daughter.
This is what she sent me:

This may be one of the most impactful gestures that I've experienced since Asher's diagnosis. I sent it to Randy. His reply was equally important. He wrote, "Omg that's so good and so true.  It's the only logical way of looking at our situation.  Makes me tear up.  I'm saving this.  We've been to Italy 3 times.  Now we have our special Holland too."

I feel like I'm in mid-flight though. I still think we're going to Italy. This was a different perspective for me to consider. Holland is beautiful. I'm going to land in Holland one of these days. This put me a step closer. 

*One more thing* As if this story couldn't  get any more special- Guess what Layla's sister was named?? Yep, Holland. 

Up, Down, All Around 💙 Kind of Day

Asher hit the ground running today. Literally. As soon as he got up, he was buck wild. In one of my previous blogs, "God Blessed," I wrote about not being able to find a church and the anxiety of taking Asher. Well, we have been attending a church that we really like. I knew today I'd be tested by the way Asher was acting.

We were barely in the pew before I had to take him to the nursery. I don't mind a little noise from him, but he was very vocal this morning. I'm not that momma that will sit around while my kid ruins something for everyone else. I was out of there quickly.

The nursery has the same 2 women there every Sunday. I never leave Asher. I can't yet. They are getting to know him. There is a lot to understand. He makes noises, he doesn't speak, he doesn't understand sometimes, and his diet is strict (back to gluten free). These ladies are absolute sweethearts. I will be able to leave him and return to the service one day and not be worried. One day. It made me feel good when they pointed out that Asher acknowledged when they spoke to him. You have to be able to recognize the smallest things with this kid.

After church we went out to eat. Of course he was wound up from playing. He was a handful in the restaurant. Like I do sometimes, I was getting overwhelmed. I tried to satisfy Asher, pay attention to the other boys, and shove a couple of bites of food in my mouth. Our waitress is the most thoughtful woman. Carol is a hard worker and a mom of an Autistic boy. She is always so helpful with Asher. She knows his diet, so it was no problem to get corn tortillas. When he squealed, she said, "Don't worry. He's good." She really does put me more at ease. She showed me a picture that her son drew. She was so, so proud of that picture. I was happy for her because I know that those things are huge to a momma. Carol then told us to never give up on Asher. Her friend's son just started talking at 7.  That made me have a little bit of peace.

While Randy took the other boys to ball practice, I made a quick trip in the grocery store for a few items. A lady with the sweetest eyes came up to me. She told me she followed my blog and she wanted to give me a hug. I'm not a hugger, but I sure needed that one. I had to stop and think about how that was totally unexpected, but just what I needed.

I got Asher home and I received a text from my sister-in-law. It read:

I know u have fear regarding the future with Asher. I thought of u ❤️

She added this link.
https://youtu.be/1srs1YoTVzs

Again, just what I needed. So, today has been stressful but peaceful. It has been emotional but happy. It has been hectic, but Asher is napping. It's just another rollercoaster kind of day with this amazing boy.