God Blessed

This particular blog is super personal. I'm just going to put it out there. I won't sugarcoat it and I won't accept judgement.

Before moving back to this area, we attended a church that we really liked. I had just had Knox and we weren't there every Sunday, but we did our best. After moving, I didn't really find a good fit for us. I know that church is not the be-all, end-all of my relationship with God, but it is important to me. It is a foundation and it helps strengthen my family. Ok, so I feel guilty about not attending. Now, there is Asher. How in the world am I going to make this work? Am I getting everyone up and ready and out the door to sit in a seperate room with him? I should do it for the rest of my boys.

My parents found a church they liked and I considered attending , but they were told they wouldn't be allowed to participate because we own a business that sells alcohol. Their offering would be accepted though😑. (BTW, many members of this church frequented the liquor part of the store.) This left me discouraged.

So, here I am debating my faith. I need God more than ever now. It's also my responsibility as a parent to teach my children how grateful we should be that God has blessed us with everything He has.

Just when Asher's diagnosis hit my family and my faith was shaken, angels stepped in for me.

I have spoken with family and close friends who have offered advice, babysitting, and prayer. I have been reached out to by people who know others that can help me. I have received text messages of support. I have received FB messages from people guiding me through diet, vitamins, therapy, and services. This week, a friend dropped off a book at my house that will serve as Bible study for me.

I.am.blessed. My family is blessed. For now, this is my church. I'm getting a lot from all of you.  When it's quiet and I'm alone, I pray so hard that God will help me help Asher. He is answering my prayers by sending me each of you.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11

Beauty sleep? I'm Getting Ugly Fast!

Is it ok to say "I'm tired"? Well, I am. All mommas are tired, but I'm on the verge of exhaustion. I've always bragged on Asher's sleep schedule. He doesn't take naps, but he sleeps 10 hours a night. Sometimes, in the afternoon, he falls asleep in the car, and I can count on it being a LONG night. He gets energized and is usually in rare form.

This has been the busiest ball season with my boys. There have been a lot of practices, games, and splitting up duties with Randy. I'm tired of arranging a babysitter. I'm tired of packing Asher's bags to go to games. I'm tired of eating fast food. I'm tired of thinking and worrying.

Asher's sleep has been off. He started taking a medicine to help with his anxiety and hyperactivity. Don't judge this decision. This is just something we're trying. If it helps him learn, I will gladly give him this medicine every freaking day.  Anyway, he has to get used to it and adjustments may need to be made. He has taken it for several days and I've already seen his concentration improve. It has also made him take random naps.

For example, he took a nap early yesterday afternoon. He went back to sleep around 8 pm. He woke up at 3 am. He was happy. He snacked and played. Randy got up at 6 am and took a shift with him. Asher took another nap today during therapy.  He has just now fallen asleep and it's midnight. I feel like I can't get reset. I missed my dr.'s appt. today because I didn't know what day it was. It's never ending.

I have read a lot about the sleep habits of Autistic children. I'm praying that this is not what it's coming to. I get depressed at times like this. I don't feel strong.  The tunnel is dark tonight, y'all. Maybe I can see a very small light if...

D-Day

I previously posted a blog about needing a manual on Asher and everything that comes with Autism. Autism is so much more than a diagnosis. It is my baby. It is his future. It's kind of ironic that without the diagnosis, Autism means nothing to me. I can't help my baby without someone making it official. I'm going to lay out the past 2 days. Some of this is to keep a record for myself of what happened. Lol

Through dealing with insurance, Randy discovered that without a formal diagnosis, many services are not available for him. Because of Asher's age, a FORMAL diagnosis was never made. We have been treating Autism but someone important needed to tell the world. We were on a mission to make it official. It was D-Day for Asher---Diagnosis Day.

I was told weeks ago by his therapists that Asher must be reevaluated by his pediatrician in order to continue therapy. Ok, no problem. It's time for his wellness checkup anyway. I was also told that it had to be done by the 20th. I call for an appt., and the earliest he can be seen is the 19th. I like our pediatrician, but I only see her for Asher. My kids never get sick (knock on wood). I feel like she maybe could help us more. Maybe it's us. Maybe we need to help ourselves?? Anyway, Randy and I sat in the parking lot and finished a discussion that has gone on for months. We knew what we wanted to ask her. We were prepared. Well, she was not prepared because she wasn't there. We saw the APRN because my doctor was on vacation. 

Frustrated. The only information we got was that Asher's ears looked perfect and he's off the charts in height and weight. I was told that the Dr. would have to sign his paperwork when she returned. That means no therapy until the doctor gets back from vacay. Under protest, the paperwork was completed. So, his therapy continues as scheduled. 😏 We were informed that his pediatrician wouldn't diagnose him anyway. This was news to us.

Today, Asher had his appt. with his neurologist. I really like this guy. He's older, British, and super smart. Randy brought up the subject of him labeling Asher as Autistic. I guess it's a little more common to do this because he just turned 3. The Dr. said no problem. He would make it formal and we would get more services this way. We left this appt. feeling more hopeful. We have a plan that incorporates more therapy along with some other changes we're looking into.

A better plan with a change in diet, specialists, and vitamins, along with the addition of essential oils, genetic testing, etc. are all in the works. I can't begin to tell you the amount of anxiety and confusion this whole system gives Randy and I. At times, I feel stupid. How are we supposed to know if no one tells us? When people say," you are your child's biggest advocate," that's no joke. It's up to us.

 He had to get up early and show out for the doctor today.

Everything is good in Asher's world. 💙

Ready, Set, Nooooo!

I was sitting in my truck waiting on Asher to get out of therapy and I was thinking about the week ahead. I'm being a crybaby today. We had a long weekend of ball and running around. I've had a legit migraine for several days. We have 9 total baseball games from Monday to Friday of this week.  I don't want to be an adult today. I want to go to my room, turn out the lights, shut the door, and not come out until I get ready to. It's.Not.Going.To.Happen.

I feel bad for feeling bad. I didn't want to drive Asher to therapy this morning. He fell asleep in the truck last night at 8 pm and has been up since 4 am. He fell asleep on the way to therapy and I wanted to turn around and go home. This is my life though. What if today is the day he makes an incredible breakthrough? What if his noises and squeals come together today and he says something that he's never said before? What if he FINALLY completes a task that he has never been able to master? Today could be that day. I have to push through and keep going for those "what ifs."

--------------💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙---------------

Just like that, I know it was worth it. One of his therapists told me how he is playing ball with her. He understands the concept of throwing the ball to her and he looks for her to throw it back. His other therapist told me he was stacking cups and throwing a ball at them. As we were leaving, I said, "Tell Ms. Maegan 'bye'." In his deep voice, Asher says, "byyyye!" We both lit up.

This day has turned around. It's been totally worth the headache (pun intended). Maybe all of this ball is rubbing off on him🤔⚾️

So, I'm heading home still tired, still pained with a headache, still in a fight for him, And STILL encouraged by his progress.

                 He's my newest ball player. 😉

Awesome Twosome

Other than family, my boys haven't really ever had a babysitter. When you have a big family, you have plenty of options. A few years ago, I put trust into one of my students. Holly babysat for me when Asher was little. He was pretty easy and Knox was easy too. I would ask her to come over if we had a game and I think I may have had a rare date once. Of course, she went off to college and I was back to having no one.

I spoke to a coworker about her son's girlfriend and if she thought she might be interested. Lexi became my new sitter. As Asher got older and we learned more about him, I filled Lexi in on his new tricks and what to watch for. We were putting our kids in the hands of this girl, but she always made me feel confident about leaving him. Lexi's longtime boyfriend is Cade. Every time I saw Cade, he wanted to see pictures of Asher. He was so fascinated by that baby.

Cade started coming to my house with Lexi to babysit. I know what you're thinking. Yes, I allowed my kids to be supervised by these 2 teens. You know why? I had built a trust with them. They genuinely liked my boys. Cade played Star Wars with Knox. Lexi handled all of the dirty jobs. They followed Asher's diet and even handled his "poop episodes."🙈

Every time I returned home, I found the toys were picked up, bellies were full, and my boys were safe. Asher can be a handful. Lexi never once made it seem like it was a tough job. She told me all of the cute things he did. Knox always filled me in on what Cade played with him. It usually involved a pair of light sabers.

Finding someone that is trustworthy, responsible, and respectful to keep kids is hard. Finding these qualities in someone to keep a special needs kid is even harder. I just can't explain how grateful Randy and I are to have these kids in our lives. The only downside is that these two will be seniors next school year. 🙁

Lexi and Cade come from great families. They are smart, athletic kids that we have relied on with the most precious of gifts. They became a part of our village whether they realized it or not.

Cuties

Love and laughter

Little Asher and Cade

I have the best looking babysitters! 💙❤

The Difference a Day Makes

Happy Birthday, Asher!!  This baby was the ultimate surprise for our family. He was an awesome little baby and he's growing everyday into a cool little kid. Asher turns 3 today. Yep, he was 2 yesterday and now things feel so different.

This day hit me kind of hard. Why am I so upset? Yesterday he was doing a lot of typical 2 year old stuff, but now it seems like he should be doing big boy stuff. It's easy to say to myself, "Well, he is ONLY 2." Nothing magical happened overnight to speed up his process of learning. This week he has started saying "lalalalalala." We were all pretty proud of that. That's babble though. I need words.

Asher doesn't qualify for his developmental therapy now that he's 3. We are trying to pick up another therapy to take its place. That's another evaluation and schedule, but we're ready. This has just been a really tough year for our family--lots of adjustments. We had a lot of joy too though.

💙those dimples
💙that laugh
💙those hugs and kisses
💙surprising sounds
💙unexpected words
💙bonding
💙PROGRESSION

This day is about Asher and we're going to spend it doing the things he loves. There will be plenty of snacks, mud, water, running, and loving. Bring it on year 3!!

                                     He is 1!!

He is 2!!

He is 3!!

Desperately Seeking Senses

Asher is a sensory seeker. He looks for anything to stimulate his senses. Sometimes he gets wound up and goes from one thing to the next. Well, he does this a lot. He LITERALLY does not stop moving from the time he wakes up until he goes to bed at night. I have to believe that this is the main reason that he sleeps so well.

What senses does Asher seek??? He is mainly looking for touch. He has a love/hate relationship with texture. He can be found at any moment of the day, in any place, in front of anyone:

•spinning
•putting anything from rocks to metal in his mouth
•pinching his knees
•putting his face on anything warm, cold, wet
•looking into the sky and squinting
•looking under doors for the contrast of light and dark
•rubbing my skin under my shirt or putting his hands down the back of my pants for skin😕

Basically, his brain isn't processing stimuli the way it should. It gets overloaded and goes haywire. In Asher's case, he gets so busy with these behaviors, he can't focus on learning or anything else. There are neurotypical children that have sensory processing disorder (SPD). Many Autistic children do too. There is a debate on whether SPD should be listed as a characteristic of Autism or something separate. I'm too new to this game to have a real opinion yet. I just know Asher.

The thing that's driving me crazy these days is Asher's pants. He started pulling his pajama pants over his knees. He will walk holding them above his knees. Now, I roll them up for him or put shorts on him. Today, he started holding his shorts so the edges don't touch his knees. Bless his heart. My mom and I were talking about making him little booty shorts so he will be comfortable😜

This is a major issue being worked on in therapy. He has to be taught ways to regulate himself in order to be calm.  Here are some things he does at therapy and home to help him regulate:
•falls/jumps on a "crash pad"
•swings
•receives tight squeezes
•gets "brushed"
•plays in sensory beads, slime, sand

There is so much to learn. There is something new every day. It's a good thing I freaking love this kid!

 His box is filled with slime, kinetic sand, crinkle toys, pinwheels, bubbles...

                            Pants over knees!

 

                        Daddy is on swing duty.💙