This is what I want to talk about... Mommas.
Being a mom is what I was made to do. I love these boys and who they are all becoming. It’s hard. Balancing life with 4 boys is hard. I won’t lie and tell you I’m perfect in any aspect of mothering. I just do my best that day, move on, and work on it. Speaking of work—I have worked outside of the home for many years. I have also worked on being a wife and momma without having to work outside of my house. It was difficult to work when I wanted to be with my kids. It has been difficult to be home because it can be isolating. I can’t have it both ways. That’s life.
Even before Asher was diagnosed, I knew something wasn’t right. I needed to focus on him. We needed to figure out how to help him. With every appointment, there was a new issue and a million questions. Man, we felt hopeless. As a family, we decided that I would no longer teach school. Fortunately, I am blessed to have a husband that works hard. We are 100% blessed to be able to do life this way.
Ok, so it’s been 4 years of trying to seamlessly focus on Asher and my other boys. Y’all know how much running you have to do with kids. There is always somewhere to go. Mommas have many jobs. One of my jobs is driving Asher an hour to and from school I have been doing it for years. My parents wanted to take him 2 days a week for me. From the get-go, I felt bad about it. I have guilt over tons of things and this was one of them. I felt bad because I know it really stinks to be trapped in Jonesboro all day. I felt bad because he isn’t always easy. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said, “Let me know if y’all are getting tired of taking him.” What did I do on my “off” days? I cleaned. Asher has some habits that require extra cleaning and damage control. I did laundry. I organized. I went to school programs and ceremonies. Sometimes I had to miss things. A couple of times I tried to go to the gym. Lol. I hate to say it, but I also recovered from Asher. He is 24/7. To have a few hours to work on my house and my mind helped a lot. What did I not do? I did not sit on my ass. Of course there were times that I sat and ate lunch in peace while watching The Real Housewives. I didn’t eat bonbons and sip Margaritas. I am definitely not opposed to any of it though. You do you.
Due to certain circumstances, I’m back to taking him 5 days a week. It’s going to be ok. It will be easier when all of the kids are back in school. What’s not ok is the fact that a real-life human being said that I “don’t even work.” Yes, that person is still alive and I’m not in prison. It actually happened a few weeks ago. I wondered why I kept going back to it. I know it’s because I didn’t say what I really wanted to. I didn’t respond, and it has nagged at me. It did make me think about it though. Have you ever worried about your child? Have you ever worried about if your child will speak? use a toilet? dress himself? live with you forever? be healthy? That’s work.
If you’ve had any of these worries, you should be able to empathize with me. I’m not mad at the person. It’s just ignorance. It’s selfish thinking.
Y’all know I love to ramble Hopefully, ya get me.
My boss
