Soliciting Advice

As a parent, I don't always handle things the right way. Believe me. I never claim to be perfect in any aspect of parenting. I just do my best, feel guilty a lot, and try to do better. Randy and I have many many conversations about Asher. We don't shove his Autism down our kids' throats though.

I have smart boys. They know Asher has special needs. They know that it is stressful. Now that I've reflected on our family dynamics, I realize that we don't talk about Autism very much. Are we supposed to be doing that? I think we just feel like this is our family. We don't need to analyze it.

I was stunned, to say the least, by what Knox said this weekend. Knox was being Knox. This includes drama, dropping stuff, and being noisy. He started stomping up the stairs being super loud. I asked him not to be so loud. He said, "Sometimes I feel like I might be Autistic." I know my mouth was open. I let him continue up the stairs.

Randy and I discussed it. Why would he say this? Does he need/want more attention? Is he really concerned that he might be Autistic? We didn't know.

The next day, I asked Knox what he meant when he said it. Of course his reply was that he didn't know. I said to him, "You're not. Not at all." He looked so relieved. I wanted to cry. I asked him of he had been thinking that he might be and he nodded. Should we have been talking about it more with the kids? I reminded Knox that Asher was a really smart boy. He just needs some extra help. I was glad to hear that he knew that and didn't think anything differently about his brother.

Anytime I have talked to the boys about Asher, they all act like they understand. I feel like they find it annoying. Like, "We're not stupid, Mom." That's why I don't pressure them constantly about him. So, this is what I want to know. What do I need to do? Are we ok with the way things are going? Am I keeping my kids in the dark about Asher and all that comes with him?

**Really, tell me your opinions on this post. I may be missing something.

LIFE

Well, y'all, it's been a minute since I have posted. Randy asked me a week ago why I haven't blogged. I didn't have a good answer. I told him I had nothing to say. I told y'all I was sick of myself. My thoughts and worries are the same. I do have days where I'm busy and moving forward with life, but I NEVER stop thinking about Asher. Like, why am I crying to my momma about my grandkids and if I'll be able to do for them? It's silly. Asher could be totally independent and not need me every second of every day.

I think about Asher's brothers a lot. I want things to be normal for them. I want them to WANT to include him. I'm really blessed to have these boys. They each have their own special things they do with Asher. I watched College Gameday this morning and they did a piece on the LIFE (Learning Is For Everyone) program at Clemson. It's a program for special needs college students. A 27 year old man with Downs is the equipment manager for the football team. He has made an important impact on the coaches and players...and me.

I can count on Jackson to scoop up Asher and plop him on the couch. He will get right in his face and Asher loves it. He kisses him and hugs him around his neck. Then, when he's had enough, he pushes Jack right in the face.

When Ash heads up the stairs, Riley acts like he's a superhero and says, "I got him!" He cradles him down the stairs with Asher fighting the whole way down. Riley usually takes him to my bedroom to play for a minute. He knows that Randy and I appreciate the break.

Then, there is Knox. He refers to Asher as a "little fat baby." I told Knox that he isn't fat, but he's called him that for years. Knox follows him around guiding him out of trouble. He's a little too concerned sometimes. I have to assure Knox that he's fine. He's just protecting him.

So, you see? I am worried about Asher's brothers, but I should be thankful to Asher for helping them. After watching that show today, I have a different perspective. Ash is making an impact on these boys without even knowing. He is making them understanding, compassionate, and even determined young men. I'm ok. We're all going to be great. I've had a rough start, but things are smoothing out a bit.

This little guy has so much to give.

I love this spontaneous play between brothers.