Pity Party of 1

Basically, I'm sick to death of this topic. I'm tired of reading about it. I'm tired of thinking about it. I'm tired of talking about it. I made a video today. I almost didn't post it. I'm sick of myself. Guess what--This is not going away. Autism really takes over your whole damn life.

My parents took Asher to school today. I had a great day until around noon. I've just let my mind get the better of me. I'm so emotional that I've given myself a headache from crying. I keep trying to talk myself into just accepting this and moving forward. I can't though. I'm wallowing in it.

I started these blogs and embarrassing videos to help myself and, hopefully, help others. I don't want to be a spokesperson anymore. I see everyone's babies talking and doing things that I don't know if Asher will ever do. I'm disgustingly jealous.

I get so excited over a word spoken and he doesn't say it again. I try to get him to repeat what he said at school or home. He won't. I know this, but what do I do? I text family and tell them what he said. I make a big deal in a Facebook post.  I don't want to let myself be happy about it because it's more heartbreaking when it doesn't happen again. I'm getting good at pretending.

The only bright spot is Asher. I feel like there is a cloud hovering above me, but he continues to shine.

Ok, Liz. You just threw a big ole pity party. Get it together.

 I'll do better tomorrow.

This bucket made him so happy. If only...