The Mother In Me

I grew up with two brothers. It was not uncommon to find me as a "fill-in" in one of their many wiffle ball games. It was also not uncommon to find me with a babydoll and all of the accessories. My daddy would even let me get real diapers for my dolls. I, seriously, always wanted to be a momma. I have a big family. I have always been really close to my aunt and uncle that had 7 kids. I was a cousin-carrying little girl. I loved to babysit them and I even took a van load of them on one of my first dates with Randy. I mean, he had to love them too. I just knew who I was meant to be.

Right before Asher was diagnosed, I had a miscarriage. I know that many women have experienced this. After four kids, this was the first time I had ever gone through it.  Randy and I both were heartbroken. We contemplated trying again. Now, I think about having a child that would be younger than Asher. How would I handle that? At this point, that child would be meeting milestones and passing Asher by. Is it wrong to be relieved that it has worked out this way? I always have a reason to feel guilty about something...

It's funny how life works. I know it's God's plan. He's had this all worked out, but it's still hard to understand it sometimes.

I ran into a lady in Wal-Mart that my mom used to teach with. We made small talk and as she looked at Asher, she said, " You are really fortunate." I AM really fortunate to have this angel as a part of our family. I am learning to take every compliment and kind word about Asher to heart. I remember those conversations  whenever someone wants to tell me a horror story of a kid they know with Autism.

Today, I celebrated Mother's Day a day early with some wonderful mothers. First, I spent some time with my mother-in-law, 2 sisters-in-law, and niece. Each of those women is a different kind of momma. They have learned from their mothers and from one another. Afterwards, I went to my parents' house. The men cooked supper and cleaned for me, my momma, and sisters-in-law. We are each different mothers too. I have so much support from ALL of these women. They all know that Asher has his ways. They help when I'm struggling and they love him. After supper and dessert were eaten, Asher streaks through the kitchen and everyone cracks up laughing. He had undressed in less than 5 seconds!! THIS.IS.MOTHERHOOD!!

We are all evolving, right? I think people should grow in all areas of their lives. I have to admit that I am changing as a momma. Before kids, I had an idea of the kind of mom I would be. After a few kids, I changed. After Asher, I have a whole new idea of the mother I  SHOULD be. He has changed my life. He's pretty amazing that way.

In this picture, Asher was 1 year old. I remember telling the photographer, my best friend, that he wasn't speaking yet. I didn't know.

       Asher had a long day of playing and running naked. I have GOT to tell y'all about the backwards pajamas😊