Guilt Trip

I think that most parents, especially mothers, have experienced guilt at some point in the parenthood journey. Whether it's doing something for yourself or leaving your kids with a sitter, it happens. I have a bad case of it. Don't get me wrong, I love to leave a kid with a grandparent, but it's different with Asher. He is HARD. I want to have a break. I want to sit in a chair and watch my kids play ball. I want to leave my house without a thousand bags. I want to breathe and not feel anxious.

I know Asher's quirks and tricks until he comes up with something new. Our house is a work in progress when it comes to Asher-proofing. It's hard to let him go to someone's house. So, I worry. It's not like a normal worry. It's like a constant stomachache kind of worry. Riley had 3 ballgames in one day. We had the worst schedule. We played at 1, 7, and 9 pm. I want to puke just thinking of 3 games with Asher. I can't fathom that long break and that LOOONNNNGGGG day with him in tow.

So, my sweet momma offered to keep Ash. This a woman who had 3 kids, 9 grandkids, and taught elementary school for 20 years. Why would I be worried? There is no reason for it. It's not her capabilities that I doubt. It's that I know that this child will test every amount of patience, energy, and knowledge an expert can have. I know her day. It's my day too. It's a day full of cleaning, teaching, and saving Asher. It's also a day of snacking, laughing, hugging, kissing, and playing. That's what will make it worth it for her. 

I made the trip to the games with my mind on my little man. I have enjoyed sitting and watching the games. During the break, I went with my sisters-in-law for some retail therapy. I was kid free, but my mind is never free. I know everything is fine, but I can't help but be tired for my momma. I know her little short legs have been moving all day.

Asher and his Nan

I just want to go out to a ballgame❤⚾️